You Are My Sunshine (It’s F***in’ Nighttime)

Here are the lyrics to a popular song, rewritten for everybody who is single and bitter this Valentine’s Day. Feel free to pick up a guitar, sing them, put the video on YouTube, and show it to me.

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed you gained some goddamn sense,
But when I woke, dear, I was mistaken,
And I slit my wrists in the tub.

You are my sunshine, it’s fuckin’ nighttime,
I’m fuckin’ freezing, it fuckin’ sucks,
So my solution is prostitution,
Can I borrow fifty bucks.

I bought you dinner, took you to movies,
I gave you flowers, and all that shit,
You said I’m funny, spent all my money,
And then slapped me for touching your tit.

You are my sunshine, it’s fuckin’ nighttime,
I’m fuckin’ dying, you evil whore,
I got so choked up, I got all coked up,
Now I don’t feel shit anymore.

I’ve been rejected, and misdirected
By you so many times it’s sick.
But if you’d say, “Hey, let’s try one more date.”
I’d be dumb enough to pick up the check.

You are my sunshine, it’s fuckin’ nighttime,
Please won’t you kill me, I want to die.
Fuck my survival, I’m suicidal,
How much Drano can four dollars buy?

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