Memoirs of a Rideshare Driver: The Christmas Arms Race
Episode 50 in a series of true rideshare stories
It is a holiday gauntlet as I turn onto her street. Two front yards, directly across from one another, are packed with every Christmas decoration you can think of—candy canes, reindeer, snowflakes, snowmen, elves, grinches, Santas, and sleighs, all lighting up in flashing sequences.
I expect my fare to be a bubbly holiday obsessive, until I realize I’m actually picking up a woman from the undecorated house next door. Then I expect a scrooge.
She turns out to be neither.
“I see your neighbors are in a Christmas arms race,” I observe as she gets in.
She laughs. “It’s not my house; it’s my mom’s—but you don’t know how right you are. She’s lived there thirty years. Her neighbor always went all-out with decorations. Not like this, at first, but enough to stand out. Then, about ten years ago, some people moved in across the street and started trying to one-up them. Now, every year, they’re trying to outdo each other and it’s getting ridiculous. The last couple years there’s even a third neighbor trying to get in on it.”
“Well that sounds like fun for your mom, getting to watch the competition every year.”
“No, she just feels self-conscious, because she’s old and can’t be outside all day decorating. She thinks everybody is going to think she hates Christmas.”
I decide it’s best not to mention that I was expecting a scrooge to get in the car.
“Well, it’s too bad she feels self-conscious. I imagine the neighbors are just having fun with each other. I doubt they’re giving much thought to whether she’s joining in or not.”
“Oh, she’s not worried about the neighbors. It’s just that there are apps now where they list all the best decorated houses, and these ones get put on there every year. So every year the street fills up with people coming out to see the houses and my mom is like, ‘All we have is a snowman and a wreath…’”
I feel bad for the old lady, but it still makes me chuckle.
“Well, somebody who uses an app to come see the best decorated houses isn’t paying attention to the neighboring houses. They just want to see the over-the-top ones.”
“I know. That’s what I tell her. Plus I’ve got a Gen-Z daughter who is all about saving the planet, and she’s like, ‘Grandma, those people are wasting so much energy. I’m glad you’re not participating in that.’ And I’m just sitting here as the exhausted Millennial mom, going, ‘What are you gonna do?’”
I drop her off, and it occurs to me I’ve been pitched a Christmas episode for any given family sitcom all in the space of one car ride.
Memoirs of a Rideshare Driver is a series that tells true stories of my 10,000+ trips as a rideshare driver. I will post them every Monday in 2025.