Memoirs of a Rideshare Driver: World's Worst Heist
Episode 56 in a series of true rideshare stories
I am picking them up from Walmart. It’s almost closing time and there aren’t many other cars in the parking lot, so I pull up right outside the front doors.
Two college-aged guys come out and open the doors to my back seat, but before they get in, a police car in front of me turns on his lights.
“Guys, shut the door,” I tell these kids. “I think this cop needs me out of his way.”
They don’t seem to be listening, so I turn around to address them, only to realize there is another police car behind me. Then I spot a third one behind the first. I don’t really put together what’s going on until my passengers step away from my vehicle with their hands over their heads. A moment later, they’re being frisked and cuffed on the hood of the cop car in front of me.
Rideshare is an odd gig. Different passengers want you to be different things—friend, confidant, sounding board, therapist—but “accessory” is a new one.
I sit there for a long time. It seems like it would be dumb of me to try to drive away (not as dumb as ordering a getaway driver from a rideshare app, but still dumb), but none of the officers are in a hurry to acknowledge me, so I pretty much just sit there like Michael Jackson eating popcorn until one of them finally approaches my window.
“You know these guys?”
“No, I’m a rideshare driver.”
“What’s the name on the fare?”
I tell him.
“Okay. You can cancel the ride. They’re not going with you.”
“Gotcha. Have a good night.”
I’ve been here five minutes already, and after the timer gets to seven, I can mark the passenger as a no-show—the only kind of cancellation that doesn’t affect my scorecard. So I pull into a space at the other end of the parking lot and hang out. Around the time my passengers are stuffed into the back of the police cruiser, I mark them as no-shows.
There’s a $5 no-show fee, but they can contest it if they want. Somehow, though, I have a feeling they won’t.
Memoirs of a Rideshare Driver is a series that tells true stories from my 10,000+ trips as a rideshare driver. I will post new stories every month in 2026.